so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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