apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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