Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
