You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
