This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
