I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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