Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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