oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So many bounce houses so little time
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
