Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
