Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
