My nipple is on Facebook.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
