Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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