If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
