some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
