Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
