some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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