Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
