wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
