Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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