and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
