literally had 100 drinks last night.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
