yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
