I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
