put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
