Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
