A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Couch. On fire.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
