I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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