She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
