I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Randomize
