Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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