Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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