how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
