I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
