Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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