Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Boobs speak an international language.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
