I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize