for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
