whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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