Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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