the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
