I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I want her autograph on my taint
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
