we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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