I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
