No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
