I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
