Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
