That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
