Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize