Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
