Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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