halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
