I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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