hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
