remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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