Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
