the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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