Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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