Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there is puke in my bra ... again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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