so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
