I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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