I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
