Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
