She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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