It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
