I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
