Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
