Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so let's talk penis.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize