I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
