I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Randomize
