So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
