she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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