So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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