i need an iv and a liver transplant
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
