Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize