Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
