Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
