The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he thought i was a dude.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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