there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
