Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You are the jesus of drinking
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
