Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
