I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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