It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize